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Big Brother

Has anyone ever watched the show Big Brother.  I find the show so fascinating.  The idea of 12-14 random strangers entering a house and isolated under one roof is insane. People of all ethical backgrounds and ages in one contained space spend 24 hours a day together with no TV, no radio, no internet, no cell phones causes chaos.
I have watched Big Brother since season 1 and I am addicted.  Starting in season 10, I started purchasing the Real Player Superpass Live broadcast on the web of the house on a 24 hour basis. I started to find the show even more interesting watching the live feeds and websites with updates on what was going on in the house, Big Brother After Dark on Showtime and the 3 shows per week. I am now totally addicted to the show.  Now don't get me wrong I love the show, but there is no way in hell I would ever do a reality show like this or any type. I give it up to those that can survive with nothing to do in a house for 24 hours a day.  Yes, some of the people who go in are fame seeking individuals and some go in for the challenge and money to make their lives better. In some instances the house guest are locked in the Big Brother House for over 60 days without seeing anyone from the outside world, or knowing what is going on in the world. They won't even know what the verdict is in the Casey Anthony trial, for crying out loud.
Big Brother starts Thursday and I am so excited.  The rumors and speculations about the twist this year are running wild on the Big Brother websites and twitter. My life will come to a stop on Thursday evening at 8pm and I will be doing nothing other than working and watching Big Brother.

Bring on the games!!!

Acts of Kindness

Today I had someone give something to me that showed me why I appreciate people and the giving of kindness.  There has not been many times recently that I have experienced an act of kindness. Today I did.  I can't go into the details, but had to write about it in a vague type of way.  The person that did do this knows who they are and I hope they know I appreciate them and hope that one day I can "pay it forward" one day.

Thank you again.

Life as I Know It

 Life as I know it was changed at the young age of 17 years old.  On a calm and joyful night back in 1994 my life was turned upside down in a flash.  I had just ended my junior year of high school and ecstatic to start my senior year of high school. I came home from work spoke to my dad and got permission to go bowling with my mom's friend to go bowling.  I left the house and my dad asked me to call him and wake him up at midnight so he would be up in order to leave with his best friend to go fishing.  I tried to call him and he did not answer the phone.  I came home later that night and felt like I had walked into the twilight zone. I called my friend and had him stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep.  The next thing I remember is waking up to a state trooper at my door telling my mom and me that my dad was killed in an automobile accident.  In that instance I was broken.  In the coming days, weeks and even years I learned who was my family and friends.  I hated my life, myself and felt like I didn't even know what was real anymore.  

    The preacher I thought I could trust to be there for me was not and thank god for those who did step up to deliver my dad's eulogy. I learned in those days, weeks and years just how shelter I had been all those years.  Before my father was killed I was surrounded with family and even at one point in my life felt as if I had 3 fathers. Once my dad died I felt as if I had one. There was one man (a father figure) that stood by me and treated me like a young adult and accepted me as I was (flaws and all). That person is the person who was driving when my dad died and was his best friend and like a brother to him.  It hurt him and changed his world forever.  He was there for me when my family wasn't and would be there for me if I needed him now. In regards to the other father figure in my life I have felt like Family is not always guaranteed to be with you.  

     I have learned that some family does not always stick by you and when my father died I lost several family members.  Why?  Well that is the question I ask myself almost on a daily basis.  It is something that has troubled me for the last 17 years of my life. 

     Yes, I have made mistakes and I believe that I would not be the independent woman that I am today if I had not faced the troubles and consequences of my mistakes.  I was dependent on people and other things and I have overcome my need for these people and things over the last 5 years.  I still wonder why certain family member treat me like the plaque and would rather live the rest of their lives without speaking to me or having me in their life. I have learned I can’t change people and how they think conversations and offers went after I died, but the one question I ask to myself is: Why would I leave my mom and move in with someone else when I was 17 years old.  Is someone delusional to think my mom would have given me permission to do this? Come on get real! 

    Now my life is different and in January 2010 I lost a job that I had for 11 years and life changed again.  I hope to eventually get back to where I was in making some good money and in the mean time I have been working on one of mine and my dad's goals for me, which is graduating with a college degree. I have also been faced with losing my mom a month ago, due to blood clots in her lungs.  With my mom being sent to the hospital and almost dying has got me thinking about the two facts.  One thought is being that I would like to have a husband, and the other is what would happen if I did lose my mom.  Those of you, who know the relationship between me and my mom, know that we have a love and hate relationship.  With that being said, what would I do? Where would I live? I live in Charleston and I have one friend here because I choose that.  I work, come home, do homework, watch TV, play on the computer, eat and sleep.  This all scares me and I hope my life will start to look up and go upwards and not downwards.  

     To those family and friends that have helped me within the last 2 years of my unemployment, employment, unemployment and employment I THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU!!!